WHY ARE ALL THE FAIRFAX BUNNIES SO FAT?

Why are all the Fairfax bunnies so fat?

By Maggie Gray

Boy can you tell I’m a former city girl. I must be the only one out here who, wait for it, has NAMED all the bunnies in her yard. Every day, twice a day, I lovingly slice up apples and carrots and place them in a designated area of my yard so that Bun Bun (she’s my fave) can munch away under cover of darkness late at night. Stop rolling your eyes, I just can’t help myself. Recently Bun Bun had babies that I almost slaughtered as they lay hidden in their little dugout nest in my backyard. As I was mowing, my lawn moved! I went to lift the dead grass and discovered six new bunnies! Did I just hear a massive groan from the gardeners and farmers? Am I the ONLY one squealing with delight seeing new life squirming around so full of life and wonder? I even remember my neighbor buddy Katie mentioning something about Bun Bun being a bit . . . shall we say “plump”? I presume unless you have a huge bunny knocking on your front door or invading your garden making demands, I am DOING a Community service.

Okay, it only gets worse. My neighbor stopped over to visit with my dogs, me hoping she might offer to visit with them at her house for oh . . . . a month or so . . . . (kidding) but anyway, a brief visit to get her dog love in for the day. She heard a Baltimore Oriole singing at the top of its lungs in my tree. What? She said HOW could YOU possibly have Orioles? You don’t have jelly or oranges out do you? I said what? Me? No! Maybe he’s attracted to all the food I put out for the bunnies! But, the moment she left my yard, I dashed over to the local grocery store (wearing camouflage clothing in stealth mode) and bought six oranges for my Bird visitors! I didn’t want my neighbor to feel left out so I made sure I texted her a photo of the Oriole now eating the oranges I put out in my yard. I mean after all isn’t that what neighbors are for? To share stories and bird experiences? I haven’t heard from my neighbor since I texted her my photos but maybe that’s just my paranoia. I even leaned out my bathroom window this morning telling Mr. Oriole to fly over to her house! I am after all the best neighbor to have! Maybe I should give her one of my oranges?

But now that I’m feeding the bunnies with carrots and apples (sure, I know too much sugar - geesh), the Robins have discovered my bunny stash. They are now sitting in my front yard every morning staring at my front door waiting for me to fling out my freshly sliced apples so they can peck away till their heart’s are content. I watch them yank worms out of the ground and maybe I’m just a city girl but have you actually looked at worms up close? Hmm, I’m a bird, I’m in Maggie’s yard. A slimy disgusting dirty worm OR a freshly cut (cost $9.95 per bag) apple purchased at the grocery store with seeds removed . . . nuf said. Yesterday, mommy and daddy Robin brought their newest baby to the front yard to peck at my Honey Crisp apples and feed him small chunks. Momma Robin hopped over to start digging for worms and the baby was looking at her like, are you kidding me with that? Where’s the owner, peck on her door! More apples! What’s your obsession with worms mom? Seriously.

It’s really pathetic. I get up in the morning, let the dogs out and while they are doing their thing, I wander in my morning coma to the refrigerator because I need to start my morning feeding frenzy for all the critters. My son showed up to help me with some computer work and I felt like the momma bird trying to force feed him from the refrigerator. It was then after he kept yelling MOM stop that I realized I had turned into a woman feeding the world lunatic. But let’s visit that concept. I’m probably building a reputation in Fairfax as slightly unhinged. But if my dogs are happy, the bunnies and birdies are fed, my lawn is mowed and my son still hoping his mom is somewhat normal, I can live with that. I drove through Fairfax this morning and found probably the cutest home in the town. The owner has a “Ladybug Crossing”! I was so astonished and overjoyed at the yard decorations, I wanted to knock on their front door and tell them they have now inspired me for more cuteness in MY yard! Oh no, was that my neighbors groaning again? Stop it Maggie, you’re a new fun attraction in town, humor relief, someone with enough ignorance and lacking knowledge to not be dangerous. We’ve put up with your plumbing problems, your ridiculous peanut butter cookie obsession and even your ugly bathrobe, but the madness has to stop! Or, does it?