Bloviation Nation

Bloviation Nation

By Mark Leitheiser

Something truly remarkable happened on the evening of November 11th in Austin, Texas. The visiting Texas Christian University (TCU) football team defeated their in-state rival, University of Texas Longhorns, at DKR Texas Memorial Stadium in Austin by a score of 17-10, keeping alive their hopes for a national title. Unless you are a TCU fan, there was nothing particularly remarkable about the game itself, but what happened immediately after the game was noteworthy. What happened that was so remarkable?

When TCU head coach, Sonny Dykes, was interviewed after the game, he calmly answered the sideline reporter’s questions in a sincere, thoughtful manner. And that was remarkable. Most coaches, it seems, feel the need to engage in hyper bloviation when discussing their teams’ victories which is precisely why the evening of November 11th deserves our attention.

According to our friends at Merriam-Webster, bloviation is, “To speak or write verbosely and windily.” In other words, to blow hot air in nonstop incomplete sentences, punctuated with excessive adjectives and adverbs. Toss in a few verbs commonly heard in detox on a late Saturday night and you’ve got bloviation. More specifically, coaches’ bloviation.

The problem with coaches’ bloviation typically starts with the first question: they simply don’t hear it, much less answer it. Asked about the decision to go for it on fourth down, most winning coaches will fly into a long-winded love declaration for everyone from the players and their girlfriends to the reserve ticket takers who left the stadium at halftime.

“Coach, could you comment on—” “Yeah, I tell ya, that was one heckofa ballgame, uh? God, I am just so proud of this team, that I don’ know what say. Ya know, they just don’ quit . . . they just don’ quit! God, I am so proud of these guys. Ya know, our presiden’ and the whole doggone staff are the best in the whole dang country. God, I am so proud of these guys! Did I mention that they just don’ quit? I just don’ know what to say!” We should be so lucky,

At this point, a delirious lineman likely will interrupt the interview by barging in to give the coach a sweaty bear hug and a howl that will shame hunting dogs for miles. “What’d I tell ya? Huh? I am so stinkin’ proud of this team cuz, our backs was against the wall and we’ll take ‘er one game at a time. And this team just don’ Quit. Thanks!” And with that, Coach will be swallowed by an adoring mob at the 50-yard line.

Of course, no interview is complete without talking to the star player which made the TCU game even more remarkable when winning quarterback, Max Duggan, calmly and earnestly answered his questions as well. He didn’t scream. He didn’t yell. He didn’t claim he didn’t know what to say or declare this is the most special team in the history of football. He simply answered the questions in a clear, articulate, manner which, when you think about it, shouldn’t be too much to ask of a college student.

Perhaps most the most impressive part of the TCU responses was what they did not include:

“_________ Nation.” You can fill in the blank with any team you like from grade school basketball to professional football. Coaches and winning athletes alike now feel the need to bloviate by giving a shout out to ____________ Nation after every win. Nation? Really? Apparently I wasn’t paying attention in social studies class when this nation building began. Not only does this make me feel like a lousy student (no surprise there) but I now clearly see the shortcomings of my past. Please allow me to join the Bloviation Nation.

Based on the current nod to ______ Nations, I want to give a big, albeit tardy, shout out to my basketball Warrior Nation. Surprised to hear that a slow, skinny, dumb kid with the shooting touch of a pinball machine played basketball for the Golden State Warriors in the NBA? Me too. My shout out is to the mighty Warriors of Washington Elementary School in Detroit Lakes where I sat left bench for two forgettable seasons. Let’s hear it for Warrior Nation!

Of course, it would be unfair to lay the bloviation mantle on the sports world alone. Politicians have a long, rich history of bloviation when it comes to, well, just about anything. Politics don’t matter here; both parties continue to provide the masses of gasses seeping out of Washington. Perhaps it’s the one thing they can agree on: bloviation wins elections! At least we don’t hear about Republican or Democrat Nation; call it addition by subtraction.

Speaking of subtraction, have you talked to a grandparent lately? “Have you seen my grandkids lately? Here are 37 pictures from last weekend. Smart as whips, those kids. I hear they’re the smartest kids in the school! Why, those kids can subtract that new math with one hand tied behind their back and spell dog or cat while they’re wearing a blindfold. They didn’t git it from me but them kids is smart!” When it comes to Adoration Bloviation, grandparents are second to none. God bless them.

TCU won their big game and I became a fan, not because of the win on the field, which was impressive, but because of the win after the game, which was even more impressive. Maybe we all won that night in Austin. In fact, November 11th may have been the turning point in eliminating bloviation from our nation. Now that would be something truly remarkable.