Skol!

Skol!

By Mark Leitheiser

Well, here we are, inching our way toward spring knowing once again we can look back on bitter cold, heavy snow and another Super Bowl featuring two teams not called Vikings. Was it too much to ask for a break to go our way this year? Was it too much to ask for an interception or even a reception when the game was on the line? Was it too much to ask for Lady Luck to blow a kiss in our direction when it mattered most? In a word, yes.

We all know the pain, of course. We could feel it gnawing in the pits of our stomachs in the fourth quarter. Did you really believe we were going to win? Seriously? A winning record? Home field advantage? A bushel basket full of wins in close games this season? A seasoned quarterback and the best wide receiver in the game? Forget about it. These are our Vikings. We never had a chance.

The outcome was as predictable as a blizzard during the state basketball tournament, leaving each of us to rationalize what might have been. If that stupid ref hadn’t missed that holding call. If that stupid coach hadn’t called that play. If that stupid player hadn’t dropped that ball.

If . . .

But let’s face it, the roles of the stupid ref, coach and player had already been written in this modern tragedy. Like the story of Romeo and Juliet, we knew it wouldn’t end well, leaving each of us with our head in our hands, sobbing like five-year-olds who didn’t get their pudding.

So where do we turn for relief? It’s too icy and too cold to go for a walk. Therapy might help but with the price of eggs, who can afford that? In the end, it seems we have little choice but to look to the heavens for help. Maybe one season the Lord will take pity and reach down to end the suffering of good Minnesotans with a little pat on the back and a Super Bowl title or two. This is not an unreasonable thought. In fact, the bible appears to be on our side.

Consider a few of the Beatitudes: Blessed are the poor in spirit - that’s us. Blessed are those who mourn - like we have a choice? Blessed are the meek - who wouldn’t be? And, the real clincher, Blessed are you when people insult you and persecute you - have you talked to a Packers fan lately? Of course, the Beatitudes are concerned with spiritual matters far more important than football but you have to admit, when it comes to being a Vikings fan, they seem to offer the only real hope for comfort.

Actually, the most poignant (and unofficial) Beatitude for Vikings’ fans is the one that sat on my father’s desk for decades: “Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.” Yet, even though we know better, next fall we’ll climb on board the Vikings’ wagon with high expectations knowing full well the inevitable end. Sometimes it seems that, like mules standing in a hailstorm, Vikings’ fans just have to stand there and take it for another year. What could be more Minnesotan than that?

Like most chronic conflicts, the Vikings’ problems likely start at the top. In this case, their helmets. “Horns Up!” the banners cry across our frozen tundra. Yet there is scant evidence that the real Vikings actually had horns sticking out from their helmets which would have been clumsy at best. Our boys can’t even take the field with historically accurate helmets. Maybe that’s been the problem all these years . . .

To make matters worse, when it comes to the Vikings, history is not on our side. Historians tell us the great English leader, Alfred the Great, earned his place in history by defending England’s northeast shores from invading Vikings. When fresh boats arrived from Scandinavia, bloody battles often ensued. Not surprisingly, the Vikings lost most of those battles too. Probably from a missed extra point in overtime.

Far be it from me to criticize Alfred and his victorious soldiers but it seems that if the goal was to keep the Vikings from advancing, there would have been a much easier way to do so: Alfred simply could have painted a goal line and put up a goal post near the shore. That would have stopped the Vikings in their tracks.

In spite of their painful past, our Minnesota Vikings still enjoy the loyalty of legions of fans. Nowhere is this more evident than during fans’ roaring chant before each home game. “Skol” as it turns out, comes to us from the Scandinavian countries of Sweden, Denmark and Norway and it actually represents a toast when drinking. Basically, the fans are chanting, “Cheers!” before each game. It also means “bowl” which, in our case, no doubt would be filled with beer. Perhaps next fall the stadium vendors will offer a new product: a bowl of beer at fifteen bucks a pop.

While “Skol” certainly has appeal, perhaps a more fitting Scandinavian term would be “Grata” which, loosely translated, refers to crying or sobbing. There is no denying the accuracy here. Yet there are problems with this word too. It clearly doesn’t enjoy the rhythmic cadence of “Skol” and it’s difficult to imagine delirious fans chanting “Grata” before the big game. But then, the sound of 67,000 fans lapping beer from their bowls doesn’t do much to inspire the home team either.

Yes, we are, indeed, inching toward spring. Soon, the snow will melt and the cold will retreat but sadly, another team not called Vikings will call themselves NFL champions. It’s enough to make a grown man sob and lap his beer from a bowl. Skol!